Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

Things I learned from the Zagat Fast Food Survey

Posted: September 7, 2011 in Health, Musings
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During a recent visit to the Doctor, I happened to be watching The Today Show while in the waiting room.  I caught an interview between anchor Matt Lauer and Tim Zagat, founder of the Zagat Surveys.  The topic of his most recent survey was “Fast Food”.  A category that I could have reviewed across the board.  As I listened to the interview I discovered some interesting bits of information.

1.  The average American Family eats Fast Food about 10 times a month

I am surprised that this number is not higher.  I did not partake in the survey, but I assume the questions were directed toward family meals at full service or fast food restaurants.  In my experience I had been eating out fast food almost daily while working.  Time was the one ingredient in a work day that I could not produce more of, so I often found myself cutting corners where I could.  I skipped breaks or took shorter lunches, often resulting in grabbing a quick meal at a McDonald’s or Wendy’s.  I would say that I ate fast food an average of 3 times a week on my own and 3 times a week as a family.  I was looking at about 24 times a month I was eating out simply because I did not invest the time in my health.

2.  69% of the surveyors are in favor of government mandated calorie reporting

I never ever ever reviewed the calorie counts for the amount of food that I was eating.  For example:  My favorite food at Wendy’s was two plain Spicy Chicken Sandwiches and a large Coke.  This calculates at an astonishing 1190 calories, almost half of a traditional 2000 calorie diet.   Let’s say that I was working a 4am to 5pm shift and had that meal for lunch.  I would get a call from my wife asking what was for dinner, seeing as I didn’t take the time for groceries we would decide on more fast food.  There is a Five Guys right up the street from us, and with the convenience of online ordering all I had to do was click what I wanted, pay for it via credit card, and then “walk to the front of the line” to pick up.  Great marketing and delicious product, but let’s look at the calorie count of my favorite meal.  A cheeseburger (with ketchup, mustard, and hot sauce), a bacon cheeseburger (with grilled onions, barbecue sauce, and hot sauce), and a large Coke.  This meal weighs in at an unbelievable 2,165 calories for one meal.  It was a good thing I don’t like french fries or I could look at tacking on an additional  310 calories for 1/2 of a regular order of fries.

I could sit here and say that the information wasn’t readily available for me, but that would be bullshit.  The information was there, I just never took the time to review it.  The places I chose to eat at are at the first and foremost a business.  They are going to do what they can to get you in the door.  A lot of places offer the nutritional information if you ask for it.  I agree with the 69% of people surveyed that there needs to be calorie reporting.  I also feel that there needs to be a greater awareness about the information available to the consumer.  Milk made me strong as a kid, I knew this because of the commercials for it showing the little kid growing up into a muscle-bound dude that is completely OK with the girl of his dreams only wanting him for his bod.

3.  The Healthy Options survey

The top five came down as Subway, Wendy’s, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, and KFC.  I certainly can understand Subway because they have been promoting their low-calorie and low-fat products ever since Jared put on a size of 32″ waist jeans.  The other companies that are now “recognized” for promoting healthy options came as a surprise to me.  I do know that Wendy’s and McDonald’s offer salads.  I don’t know of any healthy options at Taco Bell or KFC, so decided to look it up.

Taco Bell offers options called the “fresco menu”.  In fact they have a dedicated website for it called the “Drive-Thru Diet®”.  I have to say that I am impressed in how they are marketing it.  They are promoting the menu as not a weight loss program, but rather how to make healthier choices.  Taco Bell shows how to reduce the calorie count in their products by up to 100 calories.  Reading through the site showed me that Taco Bell fully recognizes that their products are not “low-calorie food”, but promote ways to reduce your caloric intake by opting for different things at their restaurants.  This is a great tool for those who look into their dietary intake.

I always associate KFC under their previous moniker of “Kentucky Fried Chicken”.  When I think of what to eat at KFC it usually is fried chicken, biscuits, and mashed potatoes w/gravy.  This isn’t a stretch since I grew up in Texas where chicken fried steak is a source of State Pride. (Texas has a way of being proud about weird things sometimes).

There is a Capital of Fried Food in Texas

I was surprised to see that they too are making an effort to promote some of their healthier choices.  They offer a free 30 day membership to eFit4Me, and even some health coaching by John Calipari.  KFC also points out the benefits of choosing grilled over fried, vegetables over biscuits, etc.  The info is there, but not without some effort in locating it.

Even though there are companies with healthier options, I would have never considered them without first looking into what is available.  Although they discuss lower calorie food and making better choices there is one glaring consistency across the nutritional charts at every restaurant.  The amount of sodium in each product.  Sodium is a key preservative, and I can see why it is so important for nationwide ingredient distribution.  However, high sodium intake can lead to higher blood pressure complications.  I could choose a salad at fast-food restaurant without realizing there was over 1300mg of sodium in it.  One regular cheeseburger at Five Guys contains 1350mg of sodium prior to adding any toppings or condiments.  Whew!

4.  The Survey Outtakes are hilarious

With comments like “Rule #1: don’t look inside the burrito.” and “How can a salad have 1,700 calories?” all I can do is laugh.  It seems that the surveyed members knew what they were getting into and gave honest opinions.  If you have a chance, check it out over at Zagat.  Zagat’s interview is also up on YouTube, you can click here if you would like to see it.

*Note: I had a blast digging up some of the info, if you are interested in where I looked or how I found it, please comment below!

Wishful Thinking

Posted: August 24, 2011 in Musings, Projects
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Sometimes the best ideas come from casual conversations.  I was having a conversation with my friend as we drove back from the Beer and Chili extravaganza at Rentschler Field.  We talked about what it was like when we met up for Sunday Dinner.  He talked about how his grandmother would wake up early on Sunday, attend Mass for 6am, get home by 7am, cook until 3pm, and then serve desserts and light snacks around 7pm.  He had a full Sunday to spend with his family, and he misses it.

I thought back to my Sunday dinner experiences with my grandmother (who I called Mémère, which is French for grandmother).  Pépère had passed when my father was 10 years old, and I never had a chance to meet him.  Mémère had raised five children on her own.  My memories of her begin with her living in a tiny apartment having my family over for Sunday dinner.  Sunday dinner with Mémère didn’t always happen once a week, and as a child I did not always want to attend them.  I didn’t want to hang out in a tiny apartment with a tiny yard with my super annoying tiny brother.  I was constantly upset that I would be stuck in my church clothes for an entire afternoon.  I knew that I would inevitably do something to cause my little brother to cry, earn a grounding, and hear the “disappointed” speech from my parents.  Even though I felt that way as a kid, it isn’t how I feel as an adult.  I remember sitting down and talking with Mémère about school and what was going on in my life.  I remember how she genuinely took interest in my brother’s and my lives.  I remember how she used to laugh at even the dumbest of my jokes.  Mémère served us the best roast beef, mashed potatoes, and galettes I’ve ever had in my life.  All together I remember how much I miss those experiences.

Before I knew it Sunday dinners became more like going out to eat with Mémère after church.  We would pick her up after 11am Mass and head out to a Chili’s or Ruby Tuesday to sit and have a meal.  Mémère would argue with my Dad when the bill came, telling me that “You can’t put a price on memories.”  Sometimes Mémère would come home with us and hang out while my brother and I watched football.  Sometimes we wouldn’t go out at all, but drive down to my Aunt’s house for a family party.  Sometimes we would just drop her off after lunch and move on with our chores or whatever else was planned for the day.  All this happened before my young mind could grasp just what it was really missing out on.  I look back on these memories and wish that I could have known then what I know now.  Mémère had a way of teaching me things without me realizing it.  She taught the importance of good conversation with good company, and that you can find the most interesting points of view if you broaden your horizons.

I lost my Mémère shortly before my daughter was born.  She had met my fiancée before departing for Chicago to stay with my Aunt, but never got the chance to meet Dallas.  I received a picture from my Aunt the day Dallas was born showing a beautiful sunrise over Lake Michigan.  I have always thought it was Mémère’s way of telling me that life goes on.  I still get upset knowing that Dallas will never have the opportunity to meet her and know how loving she was.  I know that Dallas deserves to know the things that Mémère taught me.

I am going to make an attempt at having a Sunday dinner at least once a month.  It is going to be an open invite, and anyone is welcome.  If my Mémère could make dinner work in her tiny apartment with no parking space, I owe her my best shot to make it work in my tiny condo with no parking space.  I am hoping that it will give Dallas some structure as to what family is all about.  I hope it gives Kelly and I a chance to relax and enjoy the company we keep.  I really hope that it becomes as fond a memory for my daughter as Mémère’s Sunday dinner memories have become for me.

Small Time Victory

Posted: August 20, 2011 in Health, Musings
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I attended my final weigh in and health assessment at the Y today.  I was initially disappointed to see that I was the only member of my team that attended the final workout.  This turned out to be not so bad.  I spent some one on one time with our team’s coach covering any questions I had regarding how to continue my progress.

We started off rerecording the initial health assessment that my first team workout consisted of.  Do you remember all those times in middle school gym class where once or twice a year you would see how many pushups and situps you could do?  Do you remember the “sit and reach” stretch where you have to slap the box to see how far you can stretch?  Turns out that the classics are still the best, because that is exactly how I spent my health assessment.

When I started the challenge I weighed an astounding 409lbs.  This morning  I weighed in at an estimated 365lbs.  I say estimated because when you are as heavy as I am the balance scale requires a small adapter and some basic math to calculate your weight.  It is not the most accurate method, but after trying several different scales we took the average of the three weights.  I lost 44lbs since I started six weeks ago.  That is pretty much the equivalent of losing two people the size of my daughter off of my body.  I was excited because I paid for that improvement with every ounce of sweat i worked out of me, but the good news wasn’t stopping there.  I had also dropped my body fat percentage by 4.3%, which put me in the 30%-40% category.  I had started in the 50% range when I first started in June, and had worked myself into the mid 40% range by the time I started the challenge.  We moved on to push ups where I improved the amount of reps by 100%, same result with sit ups.  I was excited to see where I would end up on the sit and reach, and made a vast improvement there as well.  Improving your numbers are always a great motivator.

The end of the workout brought up an interesting conversation.  I discussed with my coach just how much the Y had already changed my lifestyle.  I talked a bit about why I signed up and what the team at the Y has done for me.  I told her about just how inspiring I found everyone to be.  We talked about the goals that I have set for myself after the Lose to Win Challenge.  It gave me perspective, and once again reinforced my belief in the dedication of the staff at the Y.  She asked if I could write her an email about it, and share my story with the team.  I have yet to write it, but if my story can help others take those first steps, I am more than willing to put myself out there.

I learned a lot from the past six weeks.  I learned a little on how to regulate my diet.  Not all exercises need to use weights and machines, your body can provide enough resistance to make yourself stronger.  I learned that it is easier to stay motivated in a team, something that I missed since my days as an athlete. I learned that heading into a department store and not shopping in the “Big & Tall” section is an attainable goal.  I learned that even my most favorite thing to eat in the world can not give me the satisfaction that being 44lbs lighter can.

This weekend will be a big challenge for me.  I have committed to some social events, one being an annual state-wide Beer and Chili festival.  To compound my challenge, the Y fitness center is closing down for yearly maintenance for the weekend.  I am looking forward to applying what I learned and coming out of the weekend still on track.  Every small victory I can earn is one step closer to finding a healthy and balanced life, and one step closer to not worrying about the “fat charge” on Southwest airline flights.

Round 1

Posted: August 19, 2011 in Health, Musings
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My alarm clock went off this morning and I got up and did my morning stretch.  I looked over and saw that Kelly had already left for work so I walked down the hall to check in on Dallas.  She was out like a fat kid in dodgeball, so I decided that now would be the best time to get ready for my first juice.  I started by washing all the fruits, vegetables, and herbs.  I put the leafy veggies in my previously under-utilized salad spinner (which is awesome at drying off leafy vegetables by the way) and lined all the ingredients up in a row.

Putting it together

Washed, cut up, and ready to juice

I put the leafy vegetables in first, I had read that it was always best to put pulpy items (such as apples) through after leafy items to help push through more juice.  The process was very smooth, and I was amazed at how dry the pulp was when it comes out of the waste chute.

Looks like a blended frog...

Pulp on the left, blended frog on the right..

I’ve heard the bell, I can see what I’m up against, the weeks of calorie counting and gym training have come down to this.  Me vs a drink that I’ve affectionately dubbed “pond slime”.

That is a darker green than the color of my shirt

That is 8oz of pure microbiotic, gut rewiring, health inducing, body super charging mega drink.  That drink there is the juicing of 6 Kale leaves, 2 cups of Spinach, 1/2 of a cucumber, 4 celery stalks, 2 apples, and a nub of ginger.  All juiced in my super awesome Omega juicer to give me 16oz of liquid vitality.  Oh, did I mention the glass in front of me only has 8oz in it?  Yes?  That means after polishing off this bad boy I got another one to go.

Here is the blow-by-blow

  • First sip- *shudders* “Oh dear LORD what did I get myself into?  Wait, that heat is from the ginger… reminds me of a chaser shot”
  • Second sip- “Wait for it… wait for it… ahhhh ginger chaser!”
  • Third sip- “I feel like I should be on Bizarre Foods.  I wonder if I could down the whole thing, after all I have skills with drinking by quantity…”
  • Fourth chug- “Whoa whoa whoa bad idea bad idea!  Water!  Water!  Water!  Is that pulp left at the bottom of my glass?”
It was...

I've mastered the trick to fool parents where you hide the food in your mouth and off the plate, or the glass in my case.

I finished my first glass and completed my first step into juicing to supplement my diet.  I knew it was only half of what I needed to drink, but I felt a sense of accomplishment.  I realized just how many vegetables and fruits went into making the 16oz drink.  In one glass I had already “eaten” more veggies than I usually ate over a three day period.  Knowing that I had another half to go, I figured it would be easy to chug my way through it.  I was sadly mistaken.  The foam on the top of the juice tends to keep a lot pulp in it, not at all like the head on a finely brewed ale.

Veg Head

Makes me wish for a Kona Fire Rock

I finished all of the 16oz.  I was impressed with myself that I didn’t hurl.  I didn’t even gag (well, maybe a little bit when I tried to chug my way through all the veg head in the second glass).  Truth is that once it was over, it really wasn’t that bad.  It had a really earthy flavor with a super strong ginger chaser at the end, the kind that when you exhale you sit back and say “whoa”.  It is kind of like the feeling when you went to the dentist’s office as a kid.  It wasn’t your favorite thing to do, but you usually felt better once you were done and had some sort of prize to take home.

I washed up all the parts, and believe me- there are a lot of parts to keep clean.  Dallas came downstairs to tell me that she was awake.  I asked if I woke her up, she said “No, I was sleeping.  You didn’t wake me up, you’re cleaning in the kitchen.”  She then made the decision that we were going to play outside after breakfast.  The rest of the day was a piece of cake.  I used the My Fitness Pal app to keep track of what I was eating, I added more vegetables to my routine and cut back on the animal proteins.  I spent some quality time at the gym burning calories and I felt really good.  Tomorrow I will be posting my first weigh in and measurements.

Grocery Blues

Posted: August 18, 2011 in Health, Musings
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I just came back from shopping for my first day of “rebooting” my diet. I decided to pick up some items while running errands with Kelly at the local Shop-Rite. This was a little odd because I don’t usually go grocery shopping there. I have been buying my produce and meats from Whole Foods or local farm stands and have noticed a dramatic improvement in my health. Paying special attention to organic items, how the food is prepared, and the quantity of what I ate helped me save money and lose weight. I also tend to shop with Dallas because it’s fun helping her identify the different types of fruits and vegetables in the produce section.

Today was different. Not only was I a fish out of water shopping at a different grocery store, I also had a different partner making the run with me. Kelly doesn’t have any major health issues and fortunately can sustain herself eating pretty much whatever she wants (outside of tree nuts due to an allergy). Lots of pasta, dairy, frozen foods, fried mozzarella, fast food burgers, etc. If it is quick, cheap, and easy Kelly doesn’t have a problem eating it, but I do. Diet restrictions, at their root, are generally made to improve something in your life. I am currently struggling with the improvement of my diet, and to take someone grocery shopping that has no interest or need to improve hers was not my best decision. It is kind of like fighting a war on two fronts all alone. One front is my internal struggle, pushing myself to meet my goals. The other front is fighting outside influences, like Kelly adding packages of Oreos to the shopping cart.

Despite lots of frustration regarding what I was shopping for, I did end up picking up the produce I needed. I took the time to explain that agave nectar does not come from nectarines. Comments such as “beets are so gross” or “you are going to eat kale? Yech!” began to not bother me as much. I began feeling a confidence build up in me. I knew that her reaction will not be an uncommon occurrence outside of my home. Kelly is not the first person unwilling to show sympathy towards the process, and she certainly won’t be the last.   I have overcome frustration before, with stellar results.  I must remind myself that it is up to me to lead the way and set the tone for others to follow (should they choose to).

Tomorrow I’m going to document my first juice.  The first recipe I’m trying is called “green machine”, but I’m sure I will have another nickname for it.

Paying My Dues

Posted: August 17, 2011 in Health, Musings
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Joining at the local Y was the best decision I have made in my life aside from getting engaged to Kelly.  After getting the tour, signing up, and getting our membership folder I started exercising the very next day.  I put in a solid hour of cardio and headed home feeling accomplished.  I continued to put in hour-long workouts as the week went on, and before I knew it I began to get noticed by name each time I came to the gym.  I almost always was told “good morning” or “have a great workout” when I went in.  It was my third day there when I met an older gentleman that was a Chargers fan, which are extremely hard to find in this area of the country.  I had met many different people who genuinely took interest in what I was doing by the end of my first week.  I was told about upcoming contests and different programs for my family.  I was given honest feedback of what members thought about the programs.

I continued on working towards a better me, using the methods that were ingrained in to me as an athlete.  I always started with cardio and then moved on to push/pull whole body strength exercises.  I noticed my strength increasing but I couldn’t drop weight for the life of me.  It was then that I spoke with one of the trainers at the fitness center, who recommended that I compete in the “Lose to Win” challenge.  I decided to sign up, after all the only thing I had to lose was lbs.  I went on with my day looking up free calorie counting programs such as My Fitness Pal and Spark People.  I decided to use My Fitness Pal because I knew some people who were already using it, plus I was more comfortable with the mobile app.

I started that six weeks ago.  Tomorrow is my final weigh in and I have already lost 42lbs since starting.  A lot of cardio, a lot of cluster training, and a lot of calorie counting showed a lot of progress.  This program was most surprising to me because we rarely hit the weights.  Strength training was done using my own body weight.  Push ups, squats, lunges, sit ups, jumping jacks, etc. were used in nearly every workout.  I notice myself not holding the railing when I walk down the stairs.  I notice that I don’t mind walking down the driveway to pick up the mail, and that if I sit too long I get antsy and want to go do something.  There are little things that show just how long I’ve been working at it.  It wasn’t too long ago that I was over a friend’s house and he showed me that I hadn’t signed on to the PlayStation Network in 45 days.  I was usually good for signing on at least twice a week.  I had an empty Netflix queue that I hadn’t taken the time to fill back up.  I had become the foursquare mayor of most of the parks and farm stands in my local area.

Although I am happy with my progress, I am not satisfied weighing in the middle 300′s.  I am looking for new ways to improve my health, and decided to  watch some health related documentaries on Netflix.  The traditional Super Size Me, a comedy-documentary Fat Head, and a documentary “Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead“.  I knew what I was in for while watching Super Size Me, and Fat Head gave a decent alternative perspective to Morgan Spurlock’s.  However, I really enjoyed Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.  Aside from the animations that make it feel like a Breville commercial I felt that at its core it was trying to help people.  I had already eliminated soda and fast food from my diet prior to joining the Y, so what could I benefit from juicing?

Quite a bit, actually.  Using a juicer to supercharge your diet increases the amount of microbiotic nutrients in your diet.  The same type of nutrients that improve your body’s ability to fight off illness and help it run better.  I decided to give it a try.  I plan on working myself into a program by reducing the amount of breads, carbs, and dairy.  I will be supplementing my diet with a juice as well as an increased amount of fruits and vegetables.  I have already taken minor steps towards changing my diet, this is the next logical step towards achieving balance.

Stay tuned as I continue on my path to achieve the ever elusive balance.  Thanks for the words of encouragement, and I promise to give you an unabashed view of my progress that only I could deliver.

An Epiphany

Posted: August 16, 2011 in Health, Musings
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The first steps I took into finding a balance would not come until much later this year.  In fact, I spent the first few months of my new-found free time searching for work.  I tirelessly shopped around my résumé to potential employers, sat through various interviews, made follow-up calls, read the do’s and don’ts of landing a job, etc.  Despite my best efforts, I could not land a new work.

I was getting ready to serve my daughter, Dallas, her lunch when I noticed that the baseboard molding near her table had drips of paint on it.  It was such an odd thing to notice, and I was pretty sure I had never seen it before that day.  I figured I would get my putty knife, scrape it off, and then use a cleaner to clear it off- easy peasy lemon squeezy.  While Dallas ate her lunch I went downstairs to my toolbox, got my putty knife out, and walked back upstairs.  I grabbed some Windex and some paper towels to clean up any residue that the putty knife couldn’t get.  I walked back upstairs, plopped myself down next to the drip and proceeded to scrape and scrub and clean and sweat and curse at that damned spot until it was gone.  Out of breath and covered in sweat I sat back to admire my work when I heard a tiny voice behind me.  Dallas weighed in on my work by saying, “Looks pretty, Daddy.”  “Thank you, Dallas- sometimes it takes a little elbow grease to make things better.”  “Daddy, are you ok?”  “Yes sweetie, that just took a lot out of me.”  My response to her rang inside my head.  I took a moment to catch my breath to realize I was catching my breath… from scrubbing out a paint spot on some baseboard molding.

I was angry.  I was hurt.  I was in terrible shape both physically and psychologically.  I had continued on a path of destruction when I had been given the time to get off of it.  I thought to myself, “Why didn’t my friends say anything to me when this was happening?”  “Where was Kelly when I was doing this to myself?”  The answer was simple:  It was not their place.  In the years of conducting investigations I have heard one response over and over from people being questioned why they did not come forward sooner.  “It isn’t my place to say something.”  I have said it myself in various situations.  I couldn’t blame anybody else for not “pointing it out to me.”  I should have noticed it on my own.  It wasn’t like there weren’t any hints thrown my way.  Every time I answered a phone call from my mother-in-law she would ask if I had just woke up.  I always attributed this to her playing the stereotypical role of mother-in-law before I realized that it was because I was always breathing heavy.  My daughter had even given my hints that completely went over my head.  Numerous times while playing at the park she would run over to me and tell me to get some water.  I always thought it was cute and thought how amazing she is to tell me to go get water.  It was because she was concerned that her father was turning a bright shade of red and sweating up a storm when he was pushing her on the swings.  I decided that if I was going to get out of this I had to do it myself.

One morning Kelly and I dropped Dallas off at daycare.  Instead of going out to our usual Denny’s or Friendly’s breakfast I told her I wanted to check out the YMCA in our town.  I had been speaking to one of my old colleagues and he had made the recommendation because of the childcare facilities.  We decided to pop in check it out.  We were greeted by the person behind the counter and given a tour of the facilities.  I paid close attention to the people who were working out there.  I didn’t just see the typical gym rats that I used to encounter while training for various sports, nor did I see the cardio crusaders that join ranks on every machine in the place.  There was a balance of people there and although working hard, you got the impression that they were happy to be there.  Kelly and I continued our tour and watched how the staff greeted us and other members.  We signed up that day.  We were given a folder outlining what services were offered and how to take advantage of them.  Kelly reminded me that she had to be at work soon, so we headed out with me promising myself to start the road to wellness tomorrow.

The end of an era, and the beginning of another

Posted: August 15, 2011 in Health, Musings
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Well this is the inaugural post to smalltimeadventurer.com, thanks for checking me out. Here I will be talking about the random moments in my life that illicit emotions from me.

I began this journey back in February 2011 with the loss of my job from my long time employer. I distinctly remember picking up my then almost two year old daughter at daycare shortly after I got the news. I remember walking through the door and telling the administration office at the daycare that I had been laid-off. I listened to their apologies and kind words with a galvanized bravado. It wasn’t until my daughter saw me and came running over to me shouting “Daddy!” that I felt the first crack in my armor. I had spoken with my fiancée earlier and delivered the bad news, she definitively said that we would get through whatever came our way. We had made arrangements to reduce the days that our daughter would spend in daycare, and quickly moved to eliminate some of the frivolous things that I no longer had the luxury of affording. While driving home (with daughter in tote) I had already cancelled my monthly comic book subscriptions, monthly donations various organizations, consolidated credit cards, and came up with a 60 day plan. My daughter and I pulled into our driveway, walked through the snow to our door, and went inside to warm up. After getting our snow-covered shoes off my daughter told me she wanted to get changed and take a nap. She went up the stairs, turned around to look me in the eye, and with a quizzical look on her face asked me, “What’s wrong Daddy?” “Nothing sweetheart, just thinking about what to do next.” Her words destroyed any bravery I had managed to muster. Immediately I felt an overwhelming sense of doubt, I felt the walls closing in, and I remember hearing my heart beat. I moved on with my diaper changing and nap tucking-in duties, turned off my phone to avoid any well wishers, and waited patiently for my fiancée to arrive.

I sat quietly and reflected on the person I had become. I had let my ex-employers mold me into the person that they wanted me to be, not someone that I wanted to be. I easily had spent 60 to 70 hours a week running a 50 million dollar a year business. I had sacrificed early mornings, late nights, whole weekends, and my health to ensure the success of this business. I had been separated from the idealistic and independent personality that I was known for. Eating fast food in order to get back to work quickly, not getting enough sleep, and spending long hours away had taken their toll on my health. My weight had ballooned to over 400 pounds. At 30 years old I was already on preventative maintenance medicine for indigestion and high blood pressure. I was only able to sleep with the aid of a CPAP machine. This was not who I wanted to be, this was not the person that would be there for his wife and daughter. I had lost sight of who I was and what I wanted to do in my life.

It was time to fix things. Sadly, I would not take the first step until a few months later.